I’m not a yeller…but maybe I should be

 

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I’m not a “yeller,” but I’m starting to think I should try it. (not really)

I wasn’t raised in a yelling household, and we haven’t raised our kids in a yelling household either. Instead, we opt for “strongly suggesting” or “fiercely encouraging.”

How exactly does that sound? Instead of barking orders at the kids, I tend to say things like “You need to clean up your room now,” or “would you please take out the trash.” Things like that. And it usually worked…until recently.

Now that my kids are tween and teen, I’m competing with forces much stronger than the “Mom Look.” I’m competing with technology sucking their brains. I’m competing with “friend influences” that don’t make the best choices. I’m competing with emotions and boundary pushing like I’ve never experienced before.

It’s not that I want to be my kids “friend.” I know I’m their parent, but I need THEM to know I’m their parent, and as such, I deserve more respect than I seem to be getting. Now before you say “You have to give respect before you get it,” I do. As I said…I’m NOT the yelling mom. And that expression goes both ways.

I don’t want to raise my voice. I think it’s ineffective and not in my character. If I HAVE to raise my voice, you should know you’re in trouble. And if I have to see one more of those blank teenage stares, I think I may go mad. And don’t get me started about how many times I have to repeat myself. I should only have to say it ONCE. Shouldn’t I?

You should at least have enough respect for me to TRY to kiss my you-know-what until you’re out of trouble. Make an effort. Show me you’ve understood what you did wrong. Show me you’ll at least TRY not to do it again.

Don’t make me yell. I don’t want to, I don’t like to, and I think there are better ways to communicate.

Can anyone relate?

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5 thoughts on “I’m not a yeller…but maybe I should be

  1. I’ll start this by saying I don’t have a teenager of my own yet, but I did spend 8years caring for other people’s teens that were placed in a group home for a multitude of reasons. I’ll also note that I am a yeller…it doesn’t work. What I found to work for most of the kids that were more on the “normal” side of behaviors (i.e. Not psychotic – like actually experiencing psychotic episodes…) was giving them options. For example – you can take out the trash and then clean your room or you can clean your room and then take out the trash. It gives them the allusion that they are making choices for them selves and exerting power over their own life. It dos not always work, but it’s a start. Second thing was making sure if you gave consequences for not following directions/making an approved choice they have to be realistic and immediate. Teens are hard because they are becoming independent people rather than your adoring children. If you can find a way to engage and encourage that independence

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I must sa i am a yeller.. not always ,, i really try not to ..but sometimes im just pushed to that point ..when they were little r ( 2 boys ) i guess it was a lil scary ,, effective,, they would finally listen.. but now ,, teenages ,, less effective..i get a reaction like ” geeze why are you going crazy “.. me ,, ” why cant you just listen to me ” i dont want to be crazy ..so i do things like ,, ok give me the phone till u do what i said ..u cant go anywhere or do anytging till u do what needs to be done ..sometimes i still have to yell..

    Liked by 1 person

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