“Scientific Experiments” I perform on my family – and you might too


From time to time, as a SAHM, the day-in day-out keeping up with a family tends to get a bit tedious and monotonous. Some of you know what I’m talking about. #thestruggleisreal

Picking up after people, doing laundry and making meals just doesn’t have the same attraction it did some 17 years ago. I’ve mentioned before how it’s driven me to doing odd things just to keep my sanity.

In addition to hiding the Bandades and having my own tub of cookie dough, occasionally I perform “scientific” experiments on my family just to see what will happen. They aren’t the kind of experiments that “Popular Science” or “Discover” magazines would find ground breaking by any means. But they are the kind of experiments that perhaps you have tried as well. #notrealscience

The following are just a few of my “experiments” with their scientific results.

HYPOTHESIS: How long would it take for someone to pick up and throw away a wad of paper left on the floor in an obvious/inconvenient place?

RESULT: INCONCLUSIVE – No one has EVER picked it up without being prompted.


HYPOTHESIS: How long would it take for one of them to notice if I disappeared or didn’t talk to one of them on a weekend while they are playing with electronics?

RESULT: INCONCLUSIVE – I would be dead before anyone came to check. Except maybe the youngest, he might find some excuse to come looking for me, like if it was his turn to play on the computer and he needed me to enforce a time limit of the other child.


HYPOTHESIS: How long would it take for anyone to realize they had missed lunch (or dinner) if I didn’t interrupt their screen time to see if they were hungry?

RESULT: INCONCLUSIVE – I always give in and suggest they eat.


HYPOTHESIS: How long would I have to leave their books and belongings lying all over the coffee table before they pick them up?

RESULT: POSSIBLE FOREVER – They pick them up only to read them and put them back on the coffee table again. Unless it’s an ipod or 3DS, it isn’t getting moved.


HYPOTHESIS: How many days could they go without clean clothes before they were actually prompted to do their own laundry?

CONFESSION – I’ve never had the nerve to try this, but it’s summer, so I just might.


HYPOTHESIS: How many days in a row would they have to eat sandwiches for dinner before they actually requested something else?

RESULT: INCONCLUSIVE – I refuse to let them live off of sandwiches, even though I think they prefer them, so this experiment has never gone to complete fruition.

CONCLUSION: I learn more about me than I do about my family when I do these experiments. In truth, I already know how they will react, or not react as it would seem. I would not make a good scientist. I’m not patient enough to let these experiments play out on their own. I guess I care too much about my subjects, I am too closely involved. I am guilty of tampering. #scientificfail

I’m holding out for the one day when someone takes it upon themselves to throw away that wad of paper.

What can I say? They’re my family and I love them. That is a real conclusion. I don’t need science to draw that conclusion.


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